Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just puked most of my soul out..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
