You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
