I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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