Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
