im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Randomize
