last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
operation have a gay friend backfired
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
