as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
