At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
