well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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