Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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