Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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