ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
