I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
