i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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