I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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