That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
