I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Your cock deserves a montage
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
