The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
