I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
