Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
