I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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