K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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