john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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