is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
