don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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