If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
