I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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