You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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