girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
