Umm I'm too high to move.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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