your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
