it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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