I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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