I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
