those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize