All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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