What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
