it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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