I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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