Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
