I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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