Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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