All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize