More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
