Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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