plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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