I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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