It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
