I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
