I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
