from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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