Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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