Barsexuality is the new black.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Randomize