is your mom at the bar?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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