do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
