Your tits are I can't wait for
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
