What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
