even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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