her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
