My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The adults are the big ones right?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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