I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
