And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
