my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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