loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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