Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
