I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
