how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
