You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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