Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
