Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
